Reflection...

Today my wheelchair was picked up by the company that rented it to me. It is very strange the way it makes me feel. I remember when it was delivered here. My mom and I broke it in by doing donuts in the front room! Now it is gone. I am glad, but it is a weird reminder of how far I have come and what I have been through. I am now one step closer to life going back to normal. Sometimes it is almost like it didn’t happen at all, then I look in the mirror or get rid of something I needed but don’t anymore.



Some of the crew on my first day back!

I also went to back to work on Tuesday. It was great to be back and I was so happy to see some of my favorite people there! Being at the front desk is easy for me physically, and I was able to pick right back up. There are some new things and some of the special order things that I didn’t see much of before that I need a refresher on, but I think it is a great place for me to start. My only concern about drawing blood is just being physically tired being on my feet for long periods of time. I don’t think anyone will care if I need to sit down for a few minutes though, not really.

I watched a documentary film yesterday called, The Education of Dee Dee Ricks. Dee Dee starts as a shallow, annoying personality, so much so I almost turned it off. I am glad I didn’t. As the story progressed, she changed and also changed the lives of people around her. She found an amazing purpose for herself. She found that many different things were important to her than before and decided to live a more simple life. It was inspirational. Part of this movie also followed a woman Dee Dee became close to, Cynthia Dodson. I found a reflection of myself in Cynthia, and I cried very hard when she passed away during the filming.

I have found myself more reflective this week. I have been contemplating what about me is different and where am I the same. My patients is not so good for things like waiting in line, which it never has been. I am, however, much more likely to be patient with other people and let things roll right off back. I also roll with the punches more. I am more accepting when things won’t go according to plan. Let’s face it, if I can handle having to quit nursing school, for who knew how long, after so many years of hard work I can handle plans needing to change or some things just not working out at all.

I have also noticed wanting to change things with my surroundings. I want to make my environment full of happiness and life. Alan and I are talking about adding more windows in our living room to let in some light. This room is like a den. We are picking out some new paint and finding pictures to hang. We are going to be hanging pictures of our trips and good times together. One thing I told Alan when we knew that this was most likely cancer was that I had no regrets. We have had a beautiful and fun life, and I wouldn’t change a moment of our life together. I want to reflect that in our home.

An awesome cancer update!!!

Well, things have been progressing well. I am working on my stamina every day. I find I need naps a little less, but am doing more in my day. I feel more like myself a little everyday!

I start back up at work on Tuesday. I am very excited to go back. It is one more step to normal life again. My boss is being very kind and understanding. She is allowing me to come back as an extra person, so if I find I am unable to stay at work I can leave. I am starting at the front desk so I can learn the differences in the computer stuff and get a refresher on the old stuff too. She is letting me pick what days I go in too. Over all they are being very supportive in me coming back!

In other great news…I saw my bone doctor yesterday. He gave me the best news ever. He gave me the ok to do whatever physical activity I want, with the caveat that I ease into the activity. He told me to listen to my body and if I start to feel pain to stop and come back and see him if necessary. I won’t be running a marathon tomorrow, but have decided to run a 5k run at the end of summer. Other than that I will not be going to see my bone doctor anymore! It is bittersweet for me as he was the first doctor to tell me anything and was the doctor who really took care of me until I started chemo. I will miss him in the future.

I will also be going back to school in September. There might be a chance I cannot get into the clinical side of the program though. There are already too many people in the class I am going into. There are not enough clinical slots for me right now. I might have to take winter quarter off of class and do the clinical portion. That would mean I could not progress to the next class until spring and would not graduate until December 2013. We shall see what happens. I have decided that whatever happens is ok, even if this does change other plans and hopes. I can only do what I can.

I am getting my survivor tattoo on Sept. 30. I am not sure exactly what I am getting yet. I have it narrowed down to a couple of ideas. I will see my artist after I get back from Jamaica to make the final decision. I am super stoked and cannot wait. I do think I may get a cherry blossom tree, but have her make it in such a way that I can add things to it later. I am thinking that I would like to add Alan, Loki and I sitting under it at some point and add something to it if we ever have kids.

Well that is all for today. There are lots of great things going on right now. I am going to go make breakfast so husband and I can go on our walk and get our day started!