Free time, CT scans, and a nursey update!

Alan and I have thoroughly enjoyed working the same hours for the first time in our marriage. Since I work every other weekend and have random days off during the week, we still have time to ourselves but get to see each other a lot. It has been so nice to have time off without worrying about school work or things going on in school. We have actually taken time to go out and do stuff. We have especially enjoyed being able to do our walks so often. We are going for a weekend trip this coming weekend.

I had another oncology appointment this week. My scan was clear again! It is hard to think that it really has been a year and a half since I finished chemo! So much has happened and yet it still feels like yesterday. She moved my scans up to every 6 months…which is amazing!!! My next scan should be done in April, but since Alan and I are planning on trying to start our family in April, I will be getting my next scan Feb/Mar time frame. As long as it is clear again the doctor says that we should be good to go and my scans can then be annual. It is all very exciting!

I have 10 days left of my residency! The last two shifts I have had 6 patients. It has been difficult, but I am getting it done. It will be a few more months before I even begin to feel comfortable with that number of patients. It won’t help that I will not have a preceptor to help me in 10 days time, but luckily the girls on my shift are very willing to answer questions. Our charge nurses are usually willing to help out too. Still, to think I will be unleashed onto the public without anymore supervision than any other nurse is freaking me out! Lol. I wouldn’t change it for anything though. It’s just baby chick nursing nerves really.

It is really extraordinary how much I have learned and how far I have come in the last 10 weeks. I would not say that the residency I have gone through is the best residency around. It hasn’t been bad. It has the potential to be so much better of a program; however, I could not imagine coming onto my floor without it. It has been worth every minute. I still have so much to learn.  My charting is getting better though. There are so many things to chart, so much redundancy, and so many different places to chart. You would think they could make it so much easier since it is electronic now. It is getting better though. I still say the best thing are those patients that I really connect with…and the after work, late night happy hours!

Some nursey notes...

Being a nurse is a strange thing so far. On one hand, your hands are tied in so many ways. You have to have an order for everything, even compression stockings. If a patient takes a drug at home they take it, but in the hospital they can’t if it is on their medication administration record. On the other hand, you are free to make clinical judgments and deviate from the plan as needed. They don’t give you a lot of rope, but it is enough to make you a rock star or hang yourself.

One of the very things I have loved so far is the patients! It is true that I will not like all my patients and not all of the patients are going to love me; however, this has not been the case so far. I love that I don’t know their religion, personal politics, or even their views on ham sandwiches. We get to be just a couple of human beings working for the same goal for a few short hours of their lives. They most likely won’t even remember me in a few months from now. So far, most of them just love to talk about their families and pets. I have had some great patients. I have also had some demanding patients, but when you see what they are going through you tend to have some compassion about it. I guess that is easy to do when you only get two patients a day though!

There have been some strange transitions for me with this job. I spent more time at Children’s hospital than anywhere else in my last year of nursing school. They monitor those kids so much that I am not used to just getting one set of vitals at the beginning of the shift. I also was never allowed to give narcotics, so med passes were much regimented and the scheduled meds were scheduled so that you weren’t passing meds back to back hours. That isn’t always the case at TG, but I do find that there are ways to help that as well. I also don’t have parents to work with…for the most part and certainly not in the same way. The patients tend to be a little bigger too…just saying.

Today I go to work and I don’t know who will be my preceptor. I don’t know if they will let me even take patients, although I would think since I have already been taking patients that this would not be an issue. I do hope that the next time I work with my regular preceptors that I will get three patients. I feel ready for it. 

Work, good times, and girl on girl crime!

So much has happened I don’t even know where to start. I am still making the rounds to try to spend time with friends and family. My schedule is way better than school, but my days off vary and my hours are from 3-11:30 pm.  It can be still be a little hard getting my schedule to match with others.  At any rate,

Work…work has been so great. The floor I am assigned to is very busy and can be overwhelming, especially for someone new like me. I have been getting used to how things get done. I will say that there are a few things I am seeing that I don’t like and will try very hard to not take on as a habit when I am done with my residency. I also know that is easier said than done; however, there are many good things I see as well. Regardless, I am so excited that Michelle will be starting soon. I am so excited to be working with her!

 I am very impressed with the CNAs. Most of them are very hard working and really do a great job. I hope to always be the nurse that recognizes them and their work. I never understood people who treat those under them as though they are not as important. CNAs do the work they do so that I have more time to do the things I need to. Often those things are the more time consuming and dirtier jobs. That doesn’t mean I don’t or won’t ever do those things, but I have other things that are needed to be done that only I can do.

BSN…I was accepted into Bellevue College’s RN to BSN program. I will say I was very honored and excited to be accepted; however, I decided it was best to decline at the moment. I have spent the last 4 years giving up a lot of my free time to studying, including studying on vacations, and lived in a constant state of stress trying to make the grades to get into and pass the nursing program. It is so nice to have my free time to myself without worry or extra added stress. Alan is also happy to have is happy go lucky wife back. We are truly enjoying just being together. We also want to start a family. We have to wait until at least April so that I can get my paid maternity leave when the baby comes. I also think that trying to work fulltime, being pregnant/new mom, and going to school would not be the best idea.  The other consideration is that I am a new nurse with a residency and contract to work FTE 0.9 for at least 1 year after my residency. I really want to focus on becoming a great nurse. It is a lot to take on right now. I feel like school would detract from all of that. I have decided that I will take the next couple of years to enjoy life some, start my family, and become great at my job. Those are my priorities right now.

Troutdale…Alan and I headed to our favorite concert venue, Edgefield McMenamin’s , to see Death Cab for Cutie. We are not diehard fans or anything, but we like them enough. We want to go to one concert every summer at Edgefield and that was the one concert we both liked enough to go.  The venue is one of the best outdoor venues either of us has very been to, and the property is super fun. If you ever go I highly recommend going to the outdoor seating restaurant and getting the Cajun tots! They are amazing. We stayed in a hotel over night and got some breakfast at the Black Rabbit. Again…the food there is also very good. We had a great time!

BBQ…I had my BBQ to celebrate all things nursey in my life this summer. It was pretty awesome. There were 2 notable absences, but as they were both really unavailable…they are forgiven! It is really amazing how many people Alan and I have in our lives that support us. We are such lucky people. The weather was just great and Alan did so much to make the day run so well.

On a side note…I am really working hard to become the person I want to be. One thing I am trying to do is be more kind. Part of being more kind is not talking negatively about people and also accepting people for who they are.  It is a work in progress. There are still a couple of people who I still have some negative feelings for or at least have a hard time accepting the things I find negative about them. I am guilty of some girl on girl crime, especially when the hate force flows strong during the ultimate girly time; however, this is not acceptable to me.

I don’t understand why we girls continue to be ok with talking about each other behind each other’s backs or judging each other in such harsh ways. It may feel juicy at the time, but what does it really do to us and our friendships when we do this? I have lost more than one friendship to it. Once you start to judge harshly and talk behind the other person’s back, it isn’t too long before you have talked yourself into not liking that person or have talked someone else into not liking them. One friend in particular I feel I am no longer friends with because their friend did not like me. Instead of this other person coming to talk to me like an adult about any offenses I caused, she just continued to talk about me behind my back while being so very sweet to my face. Before you know it, my friend stopped being so nice to me and it wasn’t long before we were no longer friends. I in turned then was not nice to her behind her back, but in fairness…I wasn’t really nice to her face either.

My point is, why the girl on girl crime? Why do some girls just accept that is the way we are (yes, I was informed of the fact that is is just the way we are) and why does it seem that there is such a resistance to not be this way? When I suggested to a group of girls that maybe we try not to be that way, I was looked at like I was a leper!

Needless to say, I was really taken aback. I even tried to make an example of how I disliked a store, but I didn’t judge people who shop at this store because the fact they shop at this store is inconsequential and just because I have very negative feelings towards the store does not mean I have to have negative feelings towards the people who shop there. I couldn’t even make my point because they were all offended when I mentioned the store…which became very obvious that they all shopped there pretty quickly by their offended looking faces. They did not like feeling judged as I said exactly why I hated the store, but all of them had all just been very judgmental and talking badly about someone else. They had even laughed about being able to judge other people and then talk about it behind their backs at one point in the conversation.  Of course none of them saw the irony in this.

My goal is to not partake in this kind of conversation anymore. I might slip up here and there, but I hope that any true friend of mine calls me on it when I am not meeting my own standard. I would also challenge my friends to also try to give up the negative, gossipy conversations. It is time that we stop beating each other up and start realizing what is it in us that makes us act this way. At the end of the day…the judgments you have and make about others has nothing to do with the people you make them about but is 100% about you. This is the hardest thing to realize and to figure out sometimes.

In between jobs and other such nonsense!

I have less than 4 days until I start my first day of training for my new nursing job! It is all classroom type stuff and I won't even get on the floor for two weeks. I don't mind though. I appreciate the training. We never got that much for clinicals and I always felt that charting took a while to get right because of it. 

 My last day at work as really kind of weird. It was happy and sad. I have learned so much as a phlebotomist and I am walking away with a very good skill to have as a nurse. I have received a lot of support from my coworkers in my endeavors at school and with my health issues. There is a part of me wished I could stay, but I really want to move forward. I have made some very good friends.

I have spent the last few days just trying to get things done and also spend some time with people I haven't seen in a while. I haven't gotten to see everyone...but I am making the rounds. Yesterday I was doing more domestic tasks, but today was more social. I got to hang out with some of my old classmates this morning. We met up for a bite to eat and catch up. It is really nice to spend time with them. I missed them so much.  My second year of nursing school wasn't quite the same without them! Then I met up with a friend from the lab for dinner and a movie. My social calendar is actually full all weekend. I forgot what that was like.

Tomorrow will be the farewell celebration for one of my closest friends. She is moving to Kauai, HI! I am going to miss her so much. She has been such an amazing friend and role model in my life. She calls me on my shit but does it in a way that is helpful and meaningful. She is honest, and lets face it...there are not too many people in this world who are willing to be honest or want honesty back in return. Although I am not losing a friend...I will miss her being so close. I am so happy for her. This is her dream and I think she is one of the bravest people I know to dive head first into the life she dared to dream for herself and not settle for the comfortable and secure. 

I have been doing fairly well with food as of late. I have decided that while I am still in this transitional phase I will not follow a particular diet or exercise program. My goal at the moment is to just make the best decision I can in the moment. What does that mean??? Well, I bought healthy food for home and to take to work and when I am out I will get food that is the healthiest pick for where I am at. Of course, I need to like the food. There is no point in ordering a healthy meal I will not eat, but it needs to be the best I can do for myself. I feel this is going well so far. I have been really tested while out and about the last couple of days, but I have made appropriate choices. Trust me...I could have gone crazy at the french bakery with my girlfriends this morning...but I got a healthy salad and had half a pastry! I even took cherries to the movies for a treat!

Things have not always been so easy and I have had my fair share of difficulties in the last couple of years, but I feel that things are going my way right now. I have been so blessed for the last few months, and I know just how amazing it has been. I feel like I am on the precipice of the person I am becoming. It is scary and exciting at the same time.

Jobs and Dreams!

I GOT THE JOB!!!

I found out that most of the residencies at MultiCare come with the job as long as you pass the residency. What does that mean? That means that I have a job passed the residency!!! I am technically hired for the floor. The residency essentially becomes a great version of on the job training!

To say I am excited is an understatement! It is a good thing that the HR person on the phone could not see me as she told me the details of my new position as a nurse! I am not so sure she would have continued with the conversation! LOL! I was in a fit of random, excited, flailing movements that should only be done in private, if at all!

I count my lucky stars and do not take for granted that I am one of the lucky few. There are still so many of my classmates who have not found job yet, or the jobs they found are less than good. It isn’t all luck that I have a job either. I have done things to try to place myself in the best possible position to get one. I am no more deserving of this job than my cohorts, but I do realize the awesomeness of getting a job less than two weeks after passing the NCLEX.  I could not have dreamed that things would go this well once school was out!

I started this year out with many plans and the big ones are coming into fruition! I do realize that I was overly ambitious with thinking I could accomplish all my plans, which is something I tend to do. I am working on being more realistic with my time, goals, and resources. My list of 34 is going to have to wait. I am going to have many of the things on that list done, but not everything. Not only have some circumstances changed, but I was really unrealistic with what I thought I could accomplish while in school and this summer. It’s ok. I am going to get there. In the end, my intentions are being realized. I am reaching those flying dreams! 

Stress, residency, and Alan's coming home!!!

I am pretty sure that I am now addicted to stress! Seriously, I am not happy if I am not stressing about something. I had 2 days of no stress before I started in about financial planning, remodeling, getting a residency/job, and reorganizing my whole life post school. I have made spread sheets, watched financial videos, and started inquiring about financial advisers from some trusted individuals. That is just for the finance obsession. It doesn’t even cover the other activities I am engaged in with my other stressful obsessions!

I think that nursing school has crossed some wires in my brain. Being under constant stress has become the normal place my body and mind like to be at. It is so unhealthy. The analyzer in me is orgasmic though! All the data collection and trying to organize thoughts and planning! The problem comes in the unknowns and being in a place in which I am unable to follow through with plans at the moment. It causes tension in my shoulders and kind of makes me irritable! The great news is I will be able to start taking steps very soon, so hopefully the stress will start to subside.

I am doing a little better in the last couple of days with my food. I went shopping so I have good things at home to eat. I planned on baking some chicken to add to salads and quinoa bowls last night, so I preheated the oven. Well, I preheated the oven all night! LOL! I got sidetracked by one of my obsessions last night and forgot to bake the chicken. Luckily it was in the refrigerator. When I came to the realization that the oven was still on…I just tossed the chicken in. Waste of energy, but what can a girl do about it after the fact?

Tomorrow I find out about a residency position I have applied for. I am so nervous! It would be such an amazing opportunity. I would have to cancel most of my plans for the rest of summer, but I would be more than happy to do so!

So a nurse residency is usually 12 weeks long. The one I am up for is at MultiCare on the medical/surgical unit. All residencies are a little different, but I will tell you how MultiCare runs their program. My shift will be the night shift (3-11 pm) and I will work throughout the week and every other weekend. I will have classroom training as well as on the job training. I will have a preceptor, very much like my senior practicum at Children’s Hospital. I will start off by shadowing the preceptor and gradually start taking on his/her patients. The goal for both MultiCare and myself is for me to be hired at the end of the 12 week residency. If for some reason they choose not to hire me on the floor my residency was on or I choose not to take the job, I owe them $2,000 for the training. They “loan” me $2,000 for the training. If I get hired, then I have to work on the floor for a year or I have to pay them back at a prorated cost if I leave before the year is up. That is the way it goes! I do not anticipate too much trouble here. If I get the residency, I am sure I will do well and be offered the job. I have to trust that I learned what I needed to for a good foundation and I have always done well in clincials.

Alan comes home today. I can’t wait! He has been gone since Wednesday. He went to Montana with his dad, one of his brothers, and his friend for their annual fishing trip. I am sure Alan will smell wonderful when he gets home! I love when he gets home after his fishing trip. He is so relaxed and really just has a wonderful time. He always has a few funny stories to share. It will be sad when his dad is not able to take that trip anymore. These are cherished memories they are making!

I AM A NURSE!!!!!

I can’t believe I am a nurse! The last few days have been agony.  I had convinced myself that I had failed the NCLEX.  Here is why…

When I took the Kaplan class they told us about the test and how it works. The NCLEX is a computer adaptive test. It looks for a pattern in the way you answer questions to find your competency level. The computer will give you your next question based on how you answer the current one. If you answer correct your next question will be harder or the same level as the one you just answered. If you get it wrong you will be given an easier question. Passing level questions are analysis and critical thinking questions and general pathophysiology questions are not passing level. At about question 45 or 50 I had gotten multiple questions that were “below” the passing level questions. That led me to believe that although I was getting above the passing level questions, that I was not establishing a pattern of competency. I was all over the place; I told myself that it was ok. I had more questions to prove that I was going to be a competent nurse. I settled in for a longer than 75 question test, so when the screen shut off at 75 my heart sank. I thought that I had done bad enough that I didn’t have more than 75 questions to prove I am competent. I checked out of the test center, went to my car, and then I cried. I felt with every cell in my body that I failed that test!

Needless to say, the next 32 hours were just full of stress and anguish. I just wanted to have the results so I could move on. There are “tricks” to knowing if you passed or not and according to those I did pass. I didn’t trust them though. I continued to check the WA Department of Health website to see if my status would change from pending to something else. Imagine my shock when I just errantly checked while stopped at a traffic light to see the word “active” next to my license title and number!!!

Pinning and graduation was wonderful. I almost wish all that happened after NCLEX, but that isn’t realistic anyway. I was so nice to have so many friends and family around to support me. My wonderful in-laws had a BBQ for me. There was even a cake with a red-headed nurse on it! I was truly a wonderful week of celebration. Now that I have passed the NCLEX, there will be a big BBQ in which I plan to invite everyone! 

The last two and a half years…well much longer if you count my prerequisites…have been the biggest roller coaster of my life. I have had some of the highest highs and for sure the lowest lows I have ever had. I sacrificed, toiled, been pushed to my limits more than once and continued to push on to become the person I am today and the nurse I will be tomorrow…but that is the beauty of speed!