There are too many things to tell you all about today! I don’t
even really know where to start, but I think I will start with last weekend…
Last Friday, I embarked on the second of three seminars I am
doing with Context International. The seminars are meant to help a person find
more fulfillment in their life and help the person get better results in their endeavors.
What each person gets out of the seminars is different, and you drive what is
important to you. I love that. There is not one person I know that could not
benefit from going to these seminars!
I got every bit out
of this weekend I could have ever wanted and more. Anyone who knows me knows
about my struggles with food, but there are always other struggles I don’t share…believe
it or not! Lol. The two seminars I have been to have already enriched my life
so much. I have really been able to work on the relationships in my life that
have not been so healthy. I have been able to learn different ways of dealing
with conflict, and this weekend I feel I found the root of my issues within
myself. Now, Context is not therapy, nor are they trying to fix “broken”
people. They really are about helping you find the most successful path for you
in your life and teaching you how to get back on the path if you wonder off of
it. It is through learning about how to best do these things that I had my “Aha”
moment. It was so simple that I even
thought to myself, “Well, why didn’t I think of that before?” The truth is
going through those exercises really force you to look at you, and through
sharing experiences and thoughts with the group you support and are supported
by those around you. It is truly an
amazing experience. I felt truly bonded with the people in my group. So many of
them are so brave and are truly amazing people.
So what did I find out?
The first thing I found was what my driving needs are. We
all have them, and we get those needs met whether we know it or not. Finding
what your driving needs are helps a person decide if the decisions they are
making are actually beneficial for them or not. If something you choose to do
fits your driving needs, then you can get those needs met in a positive,
intentional way. If it doesn’t fit your driving needs, is it something you
really need to be doing? Some of my driving needs are novelty, creativity, and intimacy.
Feel free to ask me the rest of them, if you are interested.
You also figure out your purpose. Knowing your purpose also
helps you decide if the decisions you are making are moving you towards your
ultimate purpose. Without knowing your purpose, you are like a ship without a
sail. Most of us have portions of our purpose together, but many don’t have the
full picture. I really liked this portion of the seminar.
Well, I also realized that many of the things I do for or to
myself are what I have learned to do to love myself. Many of these things are
extremely unhealthy for me physically and/or many times emotionally unhealthy too.
For the longest time I have been trying to figure out why I do some of the things
I do, even when I hate that I do it. I won’t say it is a compulsion necessarily,
but it isn’t too far off. Somewhere down the road, this has become what loving
myself is. Knowing this is so powerful to me. I have a new way to see the
things I do and am empowered to change it. I felt so hopeless before, but now I
am energized and can’t wait to do the work to finally love myself in a healthy
way!
This is the analogy that I use to describe my situation. I
see my relationship with myself as a dysfunctional mother/daughter
relationship. There is the child being loved and cared for and the mother doing
the loving and caring. The mother part of me has indulged the child. The child
has become the spoiled brat who wants whatever she wants when she wants it. I
even named the child…her name is Honey Booboo! That’s right! She is the self-indulgent,
undisciplined, bratty princess living inside me. It is time for the tough love!
The work will still be hard, but this makes it a little easier for me to know
what the root cause is.
So enough of the Context talk…let’s talk SCHOOL!
I have my first day of the quarter yesterday. This first 3
weeks are going to be horrible! It’s ok though. I will be fine, it will just be
very time consuming. I won’t have time for anything else but school for a little
while, but all things are temporary, right? I am really excited though. This is
the mother/baby-pediatric section of school. I am invested now for two reasons.
I want to work pediatrics, so of course I am interested in the material and
experiences I will get this quarter with that. We don’t really touch base on
any oncology, but that is ok. I will get there in the real world anyway. Of
course I am interested in the mother/baby portion, especially now that Alan and
I decided to start trying to have a baby in the fall. It is all so exciting. I
really have vested interest in what we are learning this quarter! It is going
to be great. I am so looking forward to doing clinicals too.
Also…I have some more old friends in my class now!!! So
exciting! A few people from my old class who had to leave the program for one
reason or another have landed in my current class! I love it. There are a
couple of people in my new class who are nice to me, but for the most part this
class really has not accepted me into their ranks. Our class was kind of the
same with people who came in from a class ahead of ours, so I don’t hold any
ill will towards my new classmates. It is so nice though to have some old
friendly faces…especially Bob! I love Bob!
One last thing and then I will stop rambling on! I made my
memory jar! It is the first thing on my list of 34 that I accomplished. It didn’t
turn out like I wanted it too, but it will do the job. That is one thing I am
working on…not putting off doing something because I can’t do it the way I
wanted. I did have to revise my list
since Alan and I made the decision of starting our family, but I only had to change
one thing. Not too bad. So I will leave
you with my updated list of 34 and wish you all a happy 2013!
My 34
1.
Can a food product (learn to can food)
2.
Take a cake decorating class
3.
Visit a mosque
4.
Go to Amerawcan Bistro
5.
Learn to knit something besides a simple scarf
6.
Go skydiving
7.
Make an herb garden
8.
Do a photography project over the summer
9.
Learn to belly dance
10.
Start my healthy living support group
11.
Carve Alan’s and my initials in a tree with a
heart
12.
Prank someone…and hopefully not start a prank
war
13.
Rearrange and decorate my house
14.
Go camping somewhere new
15.
Do something meaningful and significant for
someone without taking credit or getting acknowledged
16.
Go vegetarian for one month
17.
Make my own melted crayon art
18.
Get involved with or raise money for the Ronald
McDonald House
19.
Try a new recipe a week from my healthy
cookbooks
20.
Attend the marriage of a gay couple!
22.
Find out how to get involved with the local
community theater
23.
Start learning how to play my keyboard
24.
Party hard for the celebration of my 1 year
after chemo anniversary
25.
Write a letter to my parents to tell them
exactly how I feel
26.
Go to Ballard Lochs
27.
Do a double under 5 times in a row
28.
Get to and maintain my ideal weight
29.
Go to the farmers market and try 3 different
veggies I have never had before
30.
Read a book series I have not read and not feel
guilty that I should be studying instead!
31.
Go tubing!
32.
Find a job
33.
Do a 5k run
34.
TTC – try to conceive
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