Too long since my last post...

It has been a long week! So much has happened, but I will try my best to recap everything!

Sunday was a great day! It was the day of the Big Climb in Seattle. The Big Climb is a fundraiser for leukemia and lymphoma. People raise money then climb up 69 flights of stairs in Seattle’s tallest building! The wonderful girls at the communications center for KCSO added me as an honorary member of their team! They even got me a team shirt. The amazing part of that was that not one of them had ever met me before they did so. I decided I wanted to go meet them and support them.

Their story was really touching. They had a supervisor who died of lymphoma six years ago. They do the big climb for her every year. Their team shirt is a baseball t-shirt in the Mariners colors because the supervisor loved baseball and the Mariners. The team name is on the back “Forget Me Not” with the number 13 and the team member’s name on the front. They raised something like $2500 at least half coming from a bake sale they held. The bake sale was set up like a posh bakery. It was really professional looking, and there was a lot of care and heart put into it! What an amazing group of women! I was honored by the inclusion and so happy to be able to come and support them!

Here is the whole group!

The atmosphere of the Big Climb was brilliant! There were so many people there. All the team shirts were inspirational and told such incredible stories. There were several teams with shirts with pictures of little children and logos like, “Climb for Kalob” or “Forever in our hearts”. You can see how some of the shirts were just gut wrenching. There were memorial shirts, survivor shirts, hopeful shirts, and everything in between! I have always felt lucky with how things have gone for me, but I never felt luckier than I did looking around me and seeing all the people who have been touched by these types of cancer. It was truly amazing!

After the girls got lined up, Alan and I headed home. I was feeling tired and a little weary; however, after a little rest I was feeling better and decided to go for a walk. That was just silly to do! I wore myself out and I really started to not feel well. That and it made my chemo brain a little worse! I did take a nap though and felt better, kind of; so we went to meet up with the other KCSO team that did the climb (they did it much later in the day) for dinner. My chemo brain was still in effect though as I didn’t even recognize some friends that were there when I first walked in. Nope, I just walked right on past them! It took me about 5 or 6 steps to even realize I just saw someone I knew. I felt really dumb! At any rate, it was nice seeing that team because I knew several people there. My girlfriend, Jessica, did the climb and finished all 69 floors in 14 minutes! Amazing!!!!

I did do too much on Sunday and I was really sick on Monday because of it! I didn’t even want to leave the couch and Tuesday wasn’t too much better. I drank lots of water and ate some of my mom chicken soup made with mineral broth. I was really worried because I had a trip planned for Wednesday! I was going to go on my trip no matter what and luckily I felt much better!

Wednesday, my friend, Amy, picked me up and we headed to Portland! We were going to see Wicked! It was so much fun to take an overnight trip and with her! Amy is one of those friends that is so easy to be around. She laughs so easy and things are always fun when she is there. We talked a lot on the way up, which was great as there was so much to catch up on. We got to the hotel, changed, and headed out for dinner; which was amazing. We got to the theater and were able to check out the orchestra pit. She had never seen a Broadway play before and I think she really loved it. They did a great job! We just wanted to stay and make them do it all over again, but we headed to the hotel for a drink (well, lemonade in my case) instead!

The next morning we went to Edgefield and ate breakfast. The food is always good there! We had a lot of fun just walking around and taking pictures. We have decided to try and get tickets to the Florence and the Machine concert there in July. It is sold out, so we shall see if we can find some within price range on ebay or something.

I also went and saw Little Miss, Lauren, in a little play she did with her acting class. It was super cute! I went to Stacey's afterwards and we got to catch up. It was great to see them. I don't get to see them as often as I wish I could.

My mom and I have also been spending some great time together. We went to my favorite Thai restaurant and had dinner. We have also been watching season one of Game of Thrones so she can watch season two with us starting Sunday. We have had some good talks. We went to see Hunger Games. It has been hard to think that she is leaving in a month. Neither one of us can really talk about that yet.

I bought two more books this week about nutrition. One was based on a recommendation from a friend called, Nourishing Traditions. The other is, The Lean. It will take me time to get through these books, but I am committed to changing my diet this summer. I plan on transitioning slowly so that by the end of summer I am eating whole grains, limited milk products, mostly raw or lightly steamed veggies, and all organic and natural foods. I am determined to do everything I can to prevent from getting cancer again. Some things I can’t control, but others I can. I am never helping cancer again!

I have a busy week coming up! Alan and I have a fun restaurant tour today; I have several planned visits with friends, doctor’s appointments, and much needed fieldtrips to take. I will keep you all posted.  I also finally get to start using my elliptical walker! My focus is now shifting to getting ready for my last chemo and for life after cancer! It is amazing that this journey is almost over. There is no longer light at the end of the tunnel because there is no tunnel. I would be standing in the sunshine, but I live in Washington and the sunshine is available right now, but I will settle for the diffused, gray light of the cloudy daytime! There is less shadow with this type of diffused light and I am ok without shade right now…

Looking back and forward...

Looking back at this experience, I am surprised about the things that have bothered me and what hasn’t. I had no real problem losing my hair, and I accepted the fact I had cancer almost instantly. I surrendered to the process and feel that I did not fight against it. What I did have trouble with was my wheelchair (initially) and I hated causing stress and sadness in my loved ones. Luckily, as things have gone so well and I am so close to the end of this journey, my friend’s and family’s stress and worries have mostly subsided. As for my wheelchair, well the thing I hated the most was getting pictures at special events; like when Alan got Police Officer of the Year for Seatac or when my sister graduated. I hated the idea of looking back at the pictures and only seeing a sick version of myself instead of the amazing events taking place. I don’t want to see the loom of darkness from my cancer in the happy moments. It was the first and only sign of my illness at the time. It was the driving force in the seated Zumba and 2 mile walk on my crutches. I refused to need any assisting devices once I didn’t need that wheelchair anymore!

Cancer has temporarily taken from me, but I look forward to reclaiming what is mine. I can’t wait to get back to work (having my income back would be nice too), start school again, and even getting back to doing the things I love like hiking, dancing, or exercising. Even going up the stairs like a normal human is very appealing to me right now. I can’t help but be excited about the coming summer. It’s a long summer of trips with the girls, camping, weekend trips, going to Tucson to see my family healthy, and going back to the Caribbean!

Today is much better than yesterday, but I haven’t taken my prednisone yet. As of now, I have my normal headache and general feeling of cancer ick. I have found that taking my prednisone half way through breakfast and drinking decaf tea with half and half really helps my stomach and some of the affects I feel from the prednisone.

All in all, I am in a great mood today. The sun is out and not a cloud in the sky right now. Depending on how today goes, I may try to go on a small walk this afternoon. If nothing else, maybe I will get out one of my lounge chairs and sit in the sun in my yard.

PET scan and pictures of chemo 5

Oh happy day! I got my PET scan results today and I am officially tumor free! I have chemo today and my last chemo on April 11. When Dr. Vaka told me, I honestly broke down. I haven’t done that much throughout this whole process, and I have never cried in front of my doctor.  I think she was a little surprised and worried at first. I just couldn’t help it. I felt so relieved and happy. It was just a release of all the concern and worry I have harbored over the last four months mixed with happiness.

For those of you not familiar with the process of chemo, once a patient had a tumor free scan, they will receive two more chemos. Although the tumors are gone, there are usually still “free range” cancer cells floating around in the body.  The two extra chemos ensure the cancer is completely gone and tumors are not formed again.

So I decided to take some pictures of this chemo for you all…

Mom got a headache after getting so excited about our good news. I let her have my bed for a little!



Starting my blog since I had nothing better to do.



The nurse is prepping to get my portacath ready

I am ready to be prepped.



Cleaning me with chloraprep. Can't get an infection at the injection site. That would be bad.



The nurse is giving me lidocaine so the big fricking needle she is about to inject doesn't hurt. 



Yup, that goes into my portacath in my chest.

Inserting the big fricking needle.



All ready for chemo!

Watching Avatar.



Not sure she is seeing any of the movie...maybe the backs of her eyelids! LOL!



Getting started. This is the R in RCHOP.

My nurse, Amy, hooking me up. She was super nice!

The H in RCHOP.

Coming to the end and don't I look lovely????

An amazing story...

Well, I have to say that this story has touched me and reinforced my belief in how fortunate I am. I am so touched that I had to share it. It is truly a testament to what we can do for ourselves and for others.

2nd Lt. Matt Blount

An honorable finish: Second Lt. Matthew Blount loses battle with cancer: A long illness claimed the life of 2nd Lt. Matt Blount Saturday. The Jacksonville man, diagnosed with cancer, had fought long to become a commissioned officer in the United States Army Reserve, whi...

I am impressed with his ability to stay in school and ROTC. I decided to put school off until my adventure was over, and I am glad I did. Between being sick and chemo brain, I know I would not have been able to finish school. I also did not want to put my body and mind through any more undue stress than I needed too. I can’t imagine doing what he did.

I feel so lucky. My dealings with cancer have gone as well as it ever could have. I will be done with this soon, and I will be able to move forward in my life. I have some things I want to do and are working on accomplishing. I have already planned on attending a workshop at the end of summer to help me work on issues I see in myself that I want to improve. I have a plan to improve my health and hopefully keep myself from ever having to go through this again. I am going to the local theater to find out how I can become involved in doing productions and hopefully one day maybe doing a little role myself. I plan on taking full advantage of this summer by taking trips long and short and spending time with those who are most important to me. I will go back to nursing school in the fall with a plan to keep my stress levels down as much as possible.

I want to live and be happy. My situation is such that I am able to do that. I owe it to myself, Alan, and my family. I could have easily been in the same situation as Matt Blount, but I was one of the lucky ones. I have a second chance at life. I feel even more now than ever that it is time to do all the things I always wanted to.

Another milestone!

I went on my first full walk in our usual spot in the woods since October today! It was amazing. It was a little tough in spots since there are still trees down from the ice storm, but Alan helped me get over the trees when I needed it. I missed walking in the woods so much, and I enjoyed being out there just talking with Alan and watching Loki. For about an hour I got to pretend that things were normal. I was not sick and Alan didn’t have to deal with all the issues that come from having a wife with cancer. We were just us with no worries or cares.

The picture of me on the other side of the fence where we start our walk in the woods.

My mom also came home tonight. I missed her so much. It is nice to have her close and, I really am dreading the day she has to go home for good. She has been such a source of comfort and understanding. She has really been able to relate to my situation and feelings since she has cancer as well. She has already been where I have been. It has been such a comfort to have her not only because she is my mommy, but because she is the only one in my life who knows exactly how I feel.

I went and spent a couple of days with my in-laws. I am so lucky to have such great in-laws and have such a great relationship with them. My mother-in-law, Carol, and I did some quilting, talked, and just had some great quality time together. I also spent time with my father-in-law, Roger. We ran some errands together and had some great bonding time too. We all went out to eat at the Lemon Grass Café in Olympia. It is a Thai food restaurant and very yummy. I was in great spirits and walking around. I think it was very reassuring for them to see me doing so well.

I did get my school work turned in a few days ago and it is really nice to know it is all done. I didn’t have to have it in until next week, but I will be busy or chemo sick. I didn’t want to risk not getting it in. I actually wanted to get it done much sooner, but between out of state visitors, doctor appointments, chemo, being sick, and chemo brain that just didn’t happen. I was surprised how long it took me to do it. It took me much longer to get it done than I would have before. The longer I go through this the worse the chemo brain gets too. Some days are not that bad, but other days it is like I have half a brain, if that.

I probably won’t do another blog until Tuesday, maybe later. I have my PET scan on Tuesday and chemo on Wednesday, but I will have a lot of information to pass on then. We will find out on Wednesday about how many chemos we have left and what the rest of my process will be. In all honesty, if the news is not what I want it to be, I doubt I will blog before next weekend. I will probably be a little devastated if we find out that I have eight chemos to do, or if we add more treatments like radiation to the extra chemos. I am sure that will not be the case though. I feel it in my heart that this will all be over in April. April 21^st will be the day that I will not feel sick anymore and will have no more chemo to look forward too. I cannot wait.

Slow and steady...

I will finish my last bit of school work tonight! It has been looming all of these months, but I have been distracted. It is also hard to finish school work when you have a hard time just reading a teenagers book. I am sure I did well enough to get a good grade in my class and put last quarter officially behind me and still be able to come back to school in the fall. It is just one more step closer to this whole nightmare being over.

I also got my elliptical walker today. It is freaking awesome! I got a NordicTrack E7.1. It was on sale and interest free if we paid it off in a year. More expensive than a used one, but we can make payments so it has less upfront impact on our finances. The only thing that sucks is that it won’t be delivered until the 22^nd. That is the day after my next chemo! I was so hoping to hop on and get working. Oh well, all things in time. I will have it for the next few months of crappy cold weather so I can build up my strength, endurance, and cardio even if mother nature has decided she hates me! Lol…

Don't I look cute on my elliptical! LOL! I wish, and if my hair grew back like that I would be sad! I would miss my locks!

It has been nice to get around without my crutches. I have noticed that some of my muscles are still sore. They are muscles I have never noticed before, so hopefully they will be ok the more I walk.

I miss my mommy! She left for Arizona on Sunday. Although it is nice to have some independence again, there are just times in a girl’s life when she needs her mama. This is that time for me. I am glad she went and has been able to reconnect with her life a little, oh yeah and she got to spend time in the warm sun! Did I mention I am also jealous? She spent the day doing wedding plans with my sister. I am so excited for her! Jenn decided to get married in St. Lucia next March, so guess where I will be for spring break next year!!!! I do hate missing out on the fun wedding stuff. I wish I was there with them.

Things are going well but slow for me. It is like someone pressed the super-slow play on my VCR of life, but it is all good. Things have progressed better than I could have imagined. I have my all important PET scan on Tuesday and would appreciate prayers, good vibes, and whatever else you all can put out into the ether for me. This scan determines how many chemos I will have, hopefully only 2 more including the chemo coming up next Wednesday.  

I would just like to make a last minute addition to this blog...I am watching the Ellen Show. They are playing a game in which people have to put a big rubberband around their face and try to catch a marshmellow. It is so silly, and I am not sure why people put themselves up for that!

This just doesn't do how silly some of them look...

Up and walking!

Yesterday I got the news that I have wanted to get for three months! I was told that I don’t have to have my wheelchair anymore! I can officially go short distances without my crutches, but my doctor wants me to use the crutches for long distances. The caveat of the crutches is strictly balance or for when I get tired as he wants me to put my weight on my leg. My mom, Alan, and I discussed it and since I have already been doing so much exercise on my own, Zumba sitting and walking two miles, we decided to do our walks without the crutches, but only when I am with one of them. I still can’t go up stairs without crutches, and they should always be on had just in case.

After the doctor’s visit, we picked up Loki and went for our first crutch free walk! It was perfect! The sun was shining and it was 63 degrees outside. We walked about a mile and a half. It was so nice to be able to walk and hold hands with Alan or to play fetch with Loki. I was giddy like a school girl. We walked at a slower pace, but that is to be expected. I was able to do the whole walk without any discomfort or fatigue.

This morning the sun was still shining, so I decided to do another walk with Alan and Loki. We got some drinks at Starbucks, because I could actually walk and hold something, and headed to our park. I noticed that I had several muscles that were sore today. It still feels awkward to walk too. Really the last time I walked unassisted and/or without a limp/pain was September! I have to put thought and effort to walking normal, and I still walk slightly strange. I noticed that my hip started to feel tired and like it had enough, so we turned back to the car. All in all, we walked about 1.75 miles. Not too bad for day two out of my wheelchair and without crutches! I do need to take it easy tough. I will not push it anymore today.

I have to admit that I freaked myself out yesterday before my doctor’s appointment. I had received my x-ray results on line. The terms lesion and tumor are interchangeable in medical terminology when dealing with cancer. I read in my x-ray results that my lesion had only changed slightly since January 19^th. That was after two chemos! I was freaking out with the idea that my chemo wasn’t working anymore. What did that mean? Was I going to have to start the chemo that was more difficult? Did that mean we would go for eight chemos and see if that did the trick? I was not happy with any of those prospects.

Much to my pleasure, my doctor told me that the lesion they were speaking of in the x-rays were the areas of my bone that had been completely eaten away by the cancer and not the cancer itself. As I had already done so much healing before January 19^th, he wasn’t surprised that I had not done much more healing since. He said it is going to take up to a year for my bones to completely heal but I had progressed as well as anyone could to this point! What a relief!

We are in good spirits in the Auburn Tag household. Although I don’t look forward to chemo, this next chemo is going to be an important one. I will find out for sure if I have 6 or 8 chemos left. I hope that the word will be that I will have my last chemo April 11. I have a lot of things to plan and prepare for. Once I am better from my last chemo, my major life changes are going to start taking place. I have so many things I need to do for myself and my future.

Ups and downs...

I woke up so blue today. I didn’t have any particular reason, no sudden changes or situation occurred. I was just sad.  It was a pity party for one, and I sure had a big party hat. Some days are just harder I guess. I was frustrated about some digestive issues I have been having, about not being able to do the things I really wanted to do because my mobility issues and feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired. Could I be any bigger of a baby?

It all turned out alright. After I talked to friend via messenger for a while I took a shower. Pink and I sang it out for a while. I listened to Crystal Ball over and over. The second part of the verses and the chorus really spoke to me today. It helped me get over my pity party. I love Pink.

At any rate, Mom and I went into Seattle for the rest of the day. It was awesome. We went to Salumi and got lunch to go. We walked over to 2^nd and Main to the Waterfall Garden and ate our lunch at the tables surrounding the waterfall. It was so relaxing listening to the water. When we were done we walked around the arboretum. Some of the trees even had blooms on them already! It was quite beautiful. We even sat on a bench and had a nice talk for a while. We left there and drove along Lake Washington through Renton on our way home. It really ended up being a perfect day.

I guess I am going to have my moments. It’s ok to have the blues, have my pity party, but I am glad that I was able to turn this day around. It really was just what the doctor ordered.

Crystal Ball

Drinking wine and thinking bliss, is on the other side of this
I just need a compass and a willing accomplice
All my doubts that fill my head are skidding up and down again
Up and down and round again, down and up and down again.

Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all.
Just to end up right back here on the floor.
To end up right back here in on the floor.

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all...hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

The cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring
Love just needs a witness and a little forgivness
And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace and
I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.

Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned
I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all...hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Irony, irony, this hate and love, hate and love
What it does to me, what it's done to me.
What is done...done

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Broken mirrors and a black cat's cold stare,
Walk under ladders on my way to hell, I'll meet you there.

But I'm not scared at all, hmm...I'm not scared at all.

Bout the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Mondays, Music, and Tattoos

I have never been a Monday girl. I pretty much feel about them as the rest of civilization; however, Mondays after chemo are wonderful! They are the first prednisone free day post chemo! It is 6:15 am and I have already been up for over an hour, and I was up several times in the night. Well, that ends today! I will most likely sleep like a champ tonight. I might start my prednisone crash today, but with half and half and little gumption we will have some good days.

I have always been a music gal. I don’t know all the great indie bands, the current pop tart music, or very knowledgeable about music; but I know what I like. Music is very important for me and it has been instrumental to my dealing with my cancer. As usual, Tori Amos has been the major contributor to my cathartic expression. Some days I sit in the warm shower and just let her music wash over me like the waves of the ocean. She is especially important on hard days. Sometimes just the lyric of a song can mean so much; for example, she has a song called Suede. The song doesn’t really pertain to my experience but there is a lyric that just grabs, “mass so big it could swallow her whole star intact.” Of course there are so many of her songs that I couldn’t list them all here. Obviously Beauty of Speed means something to me these days, and there is a song called Bouncing Off Clouds that has very special meaning too. Good days, the spectrum becomes more broad, but Adele has been getting heavy rotation and of course Lady Gaga! I can’t wait until I can dance my way through my house!

I have settled on what I want my survivor tattoo to be, well mostly. The tattoo goes something like this... In the foreground, a lighthouse (maybe) with breaking waves on rock, in the background a stormy sea with a ship (idea of weathering the storm). Somewhere I want to add the lyrics from a Tori song called Nautical Twilight, "She is boundless even breaking on the beach". The song doesn't have much to do much with my situation, but this lyric really does. The lyric really speaks to me about keeping a positive attitude in the face of and surviving this cancer. Is this too cheesy?

Yesterday was so crappy. I really felt cruddy all day and of course the sun had to be out! It was nice seeing the sun out my back door. I just wish I could have gone out in it. Soon enough the sun will be making more appearances, it will be warmer, and I will be able to walk in it and feel the breeze on my face. Those are the thoughts that make me happy and get me through some of these rougher days. I can’t wait for this summer. I am going to live this summer like none other!

Well, that is enough early morning rambling for anyone. Sorry about that, but what else am I going to do??? Lol!

New day, different day

Yesterday started out so great! I didn't feel bad, and it was only two days after chemo! I even went on a 2 mile walk on my crutches with my father-in-law. He was over keeping me company while my two moms were out having fun at sewing expo in Puyallup. We grab a little banana bread at Sun Break Cafe and headed home for lunch. I have to admit thought that I started to feel a little down during lunch and the rest of the day never got any better. Actually I felt sick last night.

I slept better last night, but I am still feeling very tired today. The best way I can explain the feeling is that I feel very heavy. Every limb feelings like I am wearing weights on it. That and I feel a little out of it, like I took a valium. I do find, however, that drinking half and half does make my stomach feel better and eases some of the prednisone affects I usually feel. Let's just say I won't be doing any 2 miles walks today. I am braving going to sewing expo because it would make my 2 moms so happy to see me go. We'll see how it goes.

All in all, this chemo round is not nearly as bad as some of my earlier rounds. The first day was horrible, but these last two days are a vast improvement. I am surprised how each chemo is so different. There is no real way to predict how I will feel or what I will be up for. Who knows what my next cycle will be like? Hopefully there will only be 2 more anyway!

added a few hours later... Well, expo went ok. I was able to get through due to my wheelchair and my mom pushing me everywhere. I am glad to be home though, and I am exhausted. I don't think I will do anything tomorrow. I think I may be pushing it a little too far.

Putting it out there

So everyone knows that I am pretty much an open book. I don't see the point in hiding myself or what I am going through. I recently did a phoot shoot with one of my old photography friends specifically because I offered to lend myself in my cancerous state if he wanted to. This is what he came up with. I love it. I think it says so much. I love that he let me show my scar and was a total trooper about such a delicate matter. Thank you Lucien Knuteson! For more of his wonderful work go to http://lucienknuteson.com!

Blessed in sickness

Well yesterday was no picnic. I was so nauseous. I took all of the meds they give me to alleviate nausea and vomiting, but it only kept me from vomiting. I was sick until sometime between 3 and 4 this morning. It was pretty awful really, but we got through it. The nausea may not have been so bad through the night if I wasn't waking up every 30-40 minutes because of night sweats. Doesn't it sound like fun? I am sure you all want to ride the cancer roller coaster now!

Today started off not so well. I spent the morning watching the last disc of season 4 and most of the very short season 5 of SATC. I didn't have it in me to do anything else. I still felt pretty crappy although my nausea wasn't nearly as bad, the prednisone took over pretty quick. I don't think I can say it enough how much I hate that stuff.

The afternoon hasn't been so bad. I actually went downstairs to have lunch with mom. We caught up on a couple of our shows. I was feeling better. I listened to Norah Jones' The Fall while I shaved my head, took a shower, and got ready for the evening. Alan got home, and I was so glad to see him. Unfortunately my mom accidentally used the carpet fresh that turns my stomach when she vacuumed the floor while I was in the shower. I am now back upstairs in my chair. She felt bad, but the good news is she used the last bit of it!

One thing that continues to amaze me is the continued support I get from everyone. There is always the initial support, cards, texts, emails, and phone calls; but I am still receiving so much support! It really touches my heart when people reach out to me. These are the people who I will cherish forever. Their support and love means more than I could ever express. It more than makes up for the people who have disappeared from my life, and yes there have been a few.  

All in all, my spirits are high today. I think that even though I feel bad, being in good spirits really helps. I look around and feel so lucky. Things are going so well with my cancer so far, I love my husband who loves me more than I dreamed anyone could, my mother would move mountains for me, and I my future is going to be everything I ever wanted to be...happy. I feel these things in my bones, yes even in the cancerous ones!