Looking back and forward...

Looking back at this experience, I am surprised about the things that have bothered me and what hasn’t. I had no real problem losing my hair, and I accepted the fact I had cancer almost instantly. I surrendered to the process and feel that I did not fight against it. What I did have trouble with was my wheelchair (initially) and I hated causing stress and sadness in my loved ones. Luckily, as things have gone so well and I am so close to the end of this journey, my friend’s and family’s stress and worries have mostly subsided. As for my wheelchair, well the thing I hated the most was getting pictures at special events; like when Alan got Police Officer of the Year for Seatac or when my sister graduated. I hated the idea of looking back at the pictures and only seeing a sick version of myself instead of the amazing events taking place. I don’t want to see the loom of darkness from my cancer in the happy moments. It was the first and only sign of my illness at the time. It was the driving force in the seated Zumba and 2 mile walk on my crutches. I refused to need any assisting devices once I didn’t need that wheelchair anymore!

Cancer has temporarily taken from me, but I look forward to reclaiming what is mine. I can’t wait to get back to work (having my income back would be nice too), start school again, and even getting back to doing the things I love like hiking, dancing, or exercising. Even going up the stairs like a normal human is very appealing to me right now. I can’t help but be excited about the coming summer. It’s a long summer of trips with the girls, camping, weekend trips, going to Tucson to see my family healthy, and going back to the Caribbean!

Today is much better than yesterday, but I haven’t taken my prednisone yet. As of now, I have my normal headache and general feeling of cancer ick. I have found that taking my prednisone half way through breakfast and drinking decaf tea with half and half really helps my stomach and some of the affects I feel from the prednisone.

All in all, I am in a great mood today. The sun is out and not a cloud in the sky right now. Depending on how today goes, I may try to go on a small walk this afternoon. If nothing else, maybe I will get out one of my lounge chairs and sit in the sun in my yard.