It's too early in the morning and yet...

It is strange some of the things I find myself thinking about in the morning when I wake up. It usually starts with something benign enough, which leads to something else, which leads to thoughts that are way too deep for that time in the morning. The first thoughts I remember were about some pictures I will be taking soon, then to symbols of surviving, then finally what it means to be a survivor and life and thriving. It is these thoughts that bring this blog today.

I do not believe that people change from bad things just happening to them. It takes a personal choice to make the changes. A bad situation can be a catalyst to make you want to change, but you still have to put in the hard work. Once the wounds have healed, I believe you become the person you were before the situation wounded you if you are not mindful of the changes you want to make.
What changes do I want to make? I need to find a way to manage my stress better. I need to declutter my life of the people and things that are toxic to me as a person. I need to learn to just let things go and not harbor negative feelings. I need to not be so hard on myself.
One thing I decided to change is the way I approach nursing school. There are many resources at the school. There are advisors, counselors, tutoring, and many other things at my disposal. If I utilize these resources, my stress level should not be so high. They are very willing to work with students to make them successful, and I need to let them help me. My stress level during school is ridiculous. It’s toxic and I am not the most pleasant person to be around.

I am hoping that affirmations and meditation will help me with several of these goals. Affirmations will hopefully help me retrain my thoughts to not be so negative or harsh for myself. Mediation can help with this and also stress. I hope these bring clarity and intention to my day and life.

When all this cancer stuff if over, I just want to live a joyous, beautiful life. I don’t think I was far off before, but the changes I want to make would really push me to where I want to be. I feel so fortunate that I have so many wonderful blessings in my life. I have a life worth living and it is something worth fighting for.